This Thursday (23 Feb) the amazing G-A-Y Porn Idol is back and what better way to kickstart its 2017 season than with none other than Kim Woodburn as guest judge. The ‘queen of clean’ has been to the club before when she lip-synced at G-A-Y last year and more recently was nothing short of sensational on Celebrity Big Brother 2017. G-A-Y owner and Porn Idol host Jeremy Joseph had a catch up with Kim to talk about CBB, her argument on This Morning with Phillip Schofield, Baga Chipz’ foul mouth and much more.
Hello Kim, how are you?
Oh Jeremy, how lovely to hear your voice, love. I really enjoyed being at G-A-Y last year and I’m looking forward to being at G-A-Y Porn Idol. We are going to have some fun.
We are going to have so much fun Kim, and I have to tell you that the reaction since we announced that you are judging at Porn Idol has been absolutely phenomenal – everyone’s going mad.
Good, that’s lovely to hear.
What’s it been like for you since Celebrity Big Brother?
I’ve had so many phone calls. There’s been loads all over the internet and a huge reaction to the Phillip Schofield thing. It’s all very flattering really and the publicity has done me no harm at all. I mustn’t complain.
I’ve always thought Phillip Schofield was smarmy and it annoys me that he never wears a red ribbon on World AIDS Day, so I was really pleased when you stood up to him.
Thank you my lovely.
And you were right that we only see edited highlights of Big Brother on TV – 45 minutes to an hour out of each full day. Was there anything that you felt we should have seen?
I do think that the station are in a bit of a bind. They film for 24 hours and only have an hour slot each night, so unless they increase by two hours each day you’re never going to see all of it. There is always going to be lots you don’t see; I don’t think it’s on for long enough.
You’ve done both I’m a Celebrity… and Big Brother – which had more cockroaches, the jungle or the house?
I’d go back to the jungle tomorrow. It was so much easier than the Big Brother house; that place was murder. It brings out the worst in these people, they all want to win and will do anything to get that. I don’t care about winning; I’ve never been competitive, even as a child. If I’m given a job to do, I’ll do it to the very best of my ability and if I don’t win, that’s alright.
Even when you were sitting there in the final three, you didn’t think ‘I want to win this’?
I honestly don’t think I did. I had a feeling that Coleen would win, even though I don’t think she should have won; she was an extremely naughty woman, a naughty two-faced wench. To my face she was all “Cup of tea Kim?” and all lovely, but I didn’t see what else she was saying.
Who do you think should have won?
I think Jedward should have won. They were absolutely themselves and lovely. They certainly should have won. But that’s TV for you, Jeremy, it’s not really fair. It is a great show but I wouldn’t go on it again for all the money you could pay me. Never again, my love.
I often wonder what it’s like for families and friends watching the show at home – what did your husband Peter think when he saw what you were going through?
Peter told me he was very sad watching it, especially when the phone was ringing and I couldn’t pick it up, because it was the rules, even though I was upset and wanted to talk to him. He’s my best friend as well as my husband. It was heartbreaking for both of us. Peter was in contact with the producers, they were good to him and kept him informed though.
My favourite bit – you were hysterical – was when the security guard walked you out of the main house after your argument with Nicola…
That night really made me. I’d had three days of hell from those rat-bags and I lay there in that separate room and decided I had to make a choice. I could walk out and never come back or I could gather my strength and walk back in. I wasn’t going to be chicken livered about it and from that day forward I toughened up. There was no way those rotten sods were getting me out until I was voted out.
The reaction on Facebook and Twitter has been incredible with your phrases like ‘chicken livered’ and ‘adulterer’ all over social media – have you used those before or did they just come out?
Honestly I was so rattled by them, the lily-livered chicken shits. The only thing I regret from Big Brother was using the F word; I don’t like to swear on TV, but that’s all I regret. I’ll say things like that when I’m at home: “He’s a right little shit” about someone on TV, but not normally in public. But they were so annoying and it made me so bad tempered that I just let fly.
Do you think you were at a disadvantage going into the house late?
Oh it’s a massive disadvantage when you go in late. I’ve watched the show for years and you always see that. The gangs have all been formed when you arrive, which I do understand, but this really was a horrible collection of people. They all ganged up on me: Nicola was the ringleader and they were all terrified to offend her. She’s nutty as a fruit cake, two tomatoes short of a salad, as the Americans would say. And as for Jamie the footballer, well he is an adulterer. Doesn’t he like the truth? The annoying little squirt.
So I guess you’re not going to keep in contact with anyone?
Oh I will keep in touch with Jedward, they were such lovely boys.
I’d love to see you rap on their next single, I think that could be a number one single…
Yes, I could do “You lily-livered chickens…” on their song.
That would be hysterical, you should do it.
Well come on Jeremy, you could sort it out.
I will, I’ll message them and tell them they should do it. Jedward featuring Kim Woodburn – it would be a huge, huge hit single.
I’m sure the boys would love it, see if you can fix it. We could come and perform it at G-A-Y.
Your profile is through the roof at the moment – what would you love to do next Kim?
What I would really love to do is play Lady Bracknell in The Importance of Being Ernest by Oscar Wilde or something like Mrs Slocombe from Are You Being Served? But honestly apart from something like that I’m not really bothered. I haven’t got pockets in my shroud, I can’t take it with me, I haven’t got any kids, so what am I going to do with it? Why should I wear myself out now, working on some rubbish just so some shit can come along and take my money when I’m gone? Not on your nelly.
You’re not going to retire are you Kim?
Well, I can’t go on forever, I’m 74 now.
But you’re healthier than everyone else in the Big Brother house…
Those lazy beggars lived in utter filth. Used knickers on the dining room table, filth and dirt, stink; they were a dirty bunch. Disgusting.
Would you ever get back together with Aggie?
Well, you can never say never and I don’t know what might come up. I do turn down a lot of stuff because I really do enjoy my home life. Unless it’s something that genuinely appeals to me I’m just not interested anymore.
When you judge at G-A-Y Porn Idol next week, you’ll be on the sofa with Baga Chipz and Mary Mac. Now they both have filthy mouths – what are you going to do as the queen of clean about them?
Well, I know what that Baga is like and I’m going to bring a bar of soap. They’ll get the lashing of my tongue if they start that nonsense. I do like Baga, but that foul language has to stop and if she upsets me she’d be better off upsetting a seven-foot grizzly bear with haemorrhoids.
We know you have your lovely husband, but what type of guy would you like to see strip?
Tall, dark and handsome or blond with muscles, a bit like a Chippendale. I mean I pretend I don’t approve, but I won’t miss a beat dear, I can assure you of that.
G-A-Y Porn Idol with Kim Woodburn is this Thursday 23rd February at Heaven. If you want to enter G-A-Y Porn Idol just send a message to 07789 553 868 or [email protected].
G-A-Y Porn Idol is at Heaven, Under the Arches, off Villiers Street, Charing Cross, London, WC2N 6NG.
Entry is £1 with a wristband from G-A-Y Bar.
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