In the run up to the London Marathon, where one Mr Jeremy Joseph will be raising money for the Elton John AIDS Foundation and attempting to set a world record, G-A-Y is hosting its Sports Day this Saturday (8 Apr) to start that cash money rolling in. Here’s what you should wear.
G-A-Y Sports Day is your perfect opportunity to dress tarty and get clean away with it without any Judge Judys judging. Just as Halloween, is the moment even nice girls can get away with looking like total street whores – because it’s a bit of fun! G-A-Y Sports Day is your golden chance to put it the fuck out there. But as with all dress up parties, you can play it safe or take it to the next level. Here are some suggestions and how many points you get for each outfit.
1. Trackie bottoms and a zip-up
Not a difficult look to rock (heck, you might even be wearing it right now), this is pretty much going out into the world in your pyjamas. But, thanks mainly to the efforts of construction workers in bringing big bulges to the little people, a tracksuit is a horny staple. Wear with loose (or no) underwear for extra penile swing.
Points: 1 (1.5 with no underwear). It’s a hot look but not exactly hard.
2. Soccer shorts and shirt
For the full ‘straight lad coming back from five-a-side on a Tuesday after work’ look, this will do just fine. May we suggest shorts in a lighter colour for extra bulge visibility and no underwear for five-star bobbing knobbing and opportunities for ‘accidental’ ball slippage.
Points: 2 (2.5 for commando). A totally hot look, one that will garner you appreciative looks on the Tube, especially if you sit with your legs wide apart.
3. Running tights/compression shorts
And don’t you dare wear running shorts over the top as that is the height of rudeness in our book. You cannot go running around town wearing skin-tight lower-wear and then cover up the main attraction with some bloody nylon shorts. It’s against the Geneva Convention at the very least.
Points: 3, but only without the shorts over the top. With the shorts, subtract 76 points.
4. Wrestling singlets
A few years ago, we wouldn’t have even known what one of these all-in-one sleeveless leotard-type things was. Now it’s part of the gay capsule wardrobe and a firm favourite with connoisseurs of the big gay bulge. Especially now they do special gay versions, which are even saucier with the arse cut out.
Points: 4 (5 if you have the peek-a-boo version). Total spunktastic fun. We salute you, with more than one body part.
5. Speedos
Yeah, you may think they are the preserve of Tom Daley and funny old German men on beaches Europe-wide, but if you’ve put all that work into getting a rocking body, then why on Earth would you not put it right out there. Top tip: cut the front lining out for better bulge visibility. It’s what Tom does. Probably.
Points: 10. Come on, who doesn’t want to see boys in clubs in swimwear? And if you’ve come in the fashionable-right-now shorty short versions, you can still give yourself 4 points.
Extra points
Some sports are trickier to pull off, especially if you are travelling to G-A-Y by public transport. For that very reason, we are awarding a bonus point for any of the following items.
1. A ribbon on a stick, like they use in gymnastics floor shows.
2. A huge ball, like they use in gymnastics floor shows.
3. A pony, like they use in polo.
G-A-Y World Record attempt
In three weeks time Jeremy Joseph is running the London Marathon as part of his 2017 Six Event Challenge raising money for The Elton John AIDS Foundation. On the day he is going to attempt to set a world record for most comments on a Facebook post in 8 hours. He will post from the start line and needs 33,000 comments. Don’t like, don’t share, just COMMENT. You can also help by signing up to Thunderclap, which means your social media is added – visit thunderclap.it/projects/54435-london-marathon-world-record?locale=en.
Entry is free in sportswear plus G-A-Y will donate £1 per person to EJAF, or you can get a £3 entry wristband at G-A-Y Bar.
G-A-Y Sports Day
is at Heaven, Under the Arches, off Villiers Street, London, WC2N 6NG.
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