As we gear up for Saturday’s Balloon Traffic Light Party at G-A-Y – where you choose a green balloon if you’re free and single, red if you’re strictly off limits and amber if you’re in a relationship but allowed to play away – we thought it would be helpful to ascertain how much of a slut you actually are. Find out with our handy test…
1. You’re in the steam room at your gym and a gentleman of fairly decent hotness comes and sits opposite you in a towel so minuscule it could double as sanitary protection. Do you…
a) Feel tempted to have a good old look but avert your gaze to show him the respect he deserves?
b) Have that good old look because it would be a waste otherwise and he’s clearly put it out there for all to enjoy anyway?
c) Bob a deep curtsey, go face-down in it and nosh your way to completion?
2. A straight co-worker has been saying to you that he thinks he might be bisexual. Do you…
a) Suggest some counselling and say that you’re there for him if he needs any support?
b) When he gets drunk at the office party, dive in for a snog and see if there’s any stirrage in the trouser department?
c) Offer yourself up for full sexual experimentation so he can not only find out how strong his homosexual tendencies are but can nail his topness/bottomness.
3. You and your boyfriend have decided to take a break where if you have sex with someone else, it’s a case of ‘don’t ask, don’t tell’. Do you…
a) Use this period to re-evaluate your relationship using the time to appreciate what you have in this guy, who might just be the love of your life?
b) Do the above but if someone happens to fancy a bit of the other then it’s probably just as well to get it out of your system while you have the chance.
c) Embark on a full-blown sex holiday with the filthiest sex you can get your hands, mouth and other organs on.
4. You and a bunch of mates have gone to a new gay club only to discover there is a backroom. Do you…
a) Completely avoid all evening, sticking to the bar and the dancefloor?
b) Go in for a cheeky look, not that you’re going to join in or anything but it would be fun to see what’s going on?
c) Go in, stay in and become the good time that is had by all.
5. An old boyfriend – a very hot one, maybe your finest ever – has got back in touch and asked you out for a drink. You think he might be angling to, ahem, revisit the scene of the crime. Do you…
a) Not go? There’s no point in putting yourself in temptation’s way, besides he needs to learn that you’re not just some sexual amenity on tap.
b) Go and see what happens? You never know, there might be a spark and and if you get a little HCA (hot cock action) out of it, then all well and good.
c) Slip on a cock ring so your package is prominent enough to have someone’s eye out, climb into your pants with no arse in them and pre-lube ready for some hot and heavy ex sex?
So, what kind of a slut are you?
Mostly a’s
Are you sure you have the requisite sexual organs? You seem to put an appearance of virtue well above any sort of sexual enjoyment. Respect for other people is good, but so is sex. Get stuck in a little more, you might enjoy it.
Mostly b’s
You like to go with the flow and see what happens. It’s not that you’re going out looking for sex but if any comes your way, you’re certainly not above joining the party. You likes to see fun, you likes to have fun.
Mostly c’s
Well, you’re certainly fun to have around! You are on the lookout at all times for a bit of sexy fun and are certainly not above implementing it. Wear your sluttishness with pride and take several green balloons this Saturday.
G-A-Y Balloon Traffic Light Party is this Saturday 18th March at Heaven, Under the Arches, off Villiers Street, London, WC2N 6NG.
Entry is £3 with a wristband from G-A-Y Bar.
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